Saturday, 28 June 2008

Snow is Crap

I have learned during my time on the Internet that controversy generates traffic. So consider this post a shallow but fantastically clever salvo during my fight to stay in your minds. My one sided debate will be free of interjections and will compel you to stay away from snow at all costs. It is not nice stuff at all!

Let us begin with the moot.

Snow represents Winter. Nobody likes winter therefore nobody should like snow?

Alas if only this were this simple. Tourism hot spots, doctors, liquor companies, fluro dye manufacturers and other industries are all involved in the world wide conspiracy that snow is indeed fun.

Do not get me wrong. I think snow does have its uses. It helps to obscure otherwise ugly landscapes. Thats about it. Snow does have a use.

But really, snow is cold. Snow is wet. Snow is hard. How many of you snow lovers roll around in car parks during your wet winter weekends?

In fact the best thing about snow to my knowledge is drinking inordinate amounts of alcohol after falling down on this cold, hard wet stuff all day. This is of course if you have not managed to break a limb in which case you get to go straight to the doctors and get filled up on less traditional anesthetics.

Now I am the last person to inform about fashion but the peacock pageantry that accompanies snow is disturbing. Puffy, gaudy and unflattering it is right up my alley but when everyone else is wearing the same thing it rapidly loses its appeal.

I have a news flash for people that take part in winter sports. Summer has better ones.

Even more laughable is the Mardi Gras that accompany the opening of snow seasons. I mean let us compare the best examples of contrasting events.


vs


People that have *enjoyed* this snow this weekend. I welcome your comments as you creak in your chairs, sniffling, feeling all of your years. I do not need the snow to do this on a winters morning.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

What is on my Mind?

It has been a reasonably hectic week! Who would have thought being homeless and jobless would be a full time job? I have not had much time for my mind to idle and start vomiting a rich ambergris of valuable oily malaise.

But in between the chores and sometimes whilst in the midst of them I have pondered thus.

Angry House Work

I have noticed that the angrier my wife and I have been before housework the more productive we are whilst doing the housework. If we get angry during the housework our housework per hour rate actually increases. Initial anger can be created by delaying the housework or better yet not being able to find something because a cloud of deep permeating household disorder hides everything.

Moving house equals drinking beer

The sheer magnitude of house moving I have had to do in the last week has made me drink a lot of beer. The only rational explanation for this is that beer and moving are intertwined and it would be foolish to attempt one without the other. Want to prove me wrong? Try drinking a beer in a house without moving. I dare you.

Optimum Shopping Conditions

Not being a fan of shopping, I have come to learn that shopping satisfaction is entirely dependent on the following.

-Shopping should be done during standard business hours but not at lunch time
-Never shop when there are school holidays or after 3:30pm
-If you must write a list, make sure you take it with you. A written list left at home is closely related to a migraine infused mother in law.

There that does it for a domestic themed post. Somewhat boring and dry, but definitely beats working.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Where are we going?

We have been getting a bit of this and its only natural when you signal your intention to bugger off for four months. The problem is that it is quite hard to both keep it freestyle and also know where you are going to be. To help reassure some of you wondering if we are staging a trip like a poorly acted fake moon landing I have spray painted this map.



The red line is projected as somewhat certain. We fly in to bangkok on the 16th of July and we fly out on the 9th of November. We intend to head north through Laos into Vietnam then down the coast into Cambodia and back thr0ugh Bangkok to the Thai islands. Places of interest that we may visit as are the blue lines. We have friends in China and Taiwan. India is also a neat place that we want to see.

I have found a fantastic website resource that I am busily mirroring as I type.

http://www.travelfish.org/ backpacking website that specializes in South East Asia.

2x Shots in the arm

I am back on the internet. Being without the internet is seriously strange. I promised I would write something today, and here I am. Thankfully the universe has provided me with an interesting topic to write about.

The Travel Clinic

Yesterday we visited a medical clinic that specialises in travel health. Gentlemen readers, a trip like this is only conciously contemplated when you are married or close enough to it. Anyway I am positively happy to write the trip was both fascinating and enlightening. Just like me.

The travel clinic is full of travel gadgets and tools. We bought and will be buying a few, including

-A self purifying water bottle
-Compression Stockings
-Universal Voltage Adapters
-Top to toe medical kits

The clinic is full of neat things. Even if your idea of a trip is only across town I am happy to say you could equip and provision yourself ridiculously well for any journey.

The nuts and bolts of our trip was to see a doctor and gather advice on the part of the world we are journeying to. Let me borrow a handily placed bio of the doctor we saw.

The medical director is Dr Anwar Hoosen (qualified as a doctor in 1984) and he has many years of experience in the fields of travel, tropical and emergency medicine. He has previously worked with Worldwise Travellers Health and Vaccination Centers NZ, Travel Doctor New Zealand, Travellers Medical and Vaccination Centers Australia and Travel Doctor Africa. He also has a special interest in emergency care and repatriation medicine, working part time in Accident & Medical clinics and for International SOS.

Dr Hoosen spent 45 minutes giving us a thorough run down on the clinics services. The travel clinic provides worldwide travel alerts online. These travel alerts are referenced when providing location specific recommendations on medical advice. It is very reasssuring that advice is only an email or call away anywhere in the world.

After some deliberation we have commenced a three week course of various immune system protection and resequencing. We should be protected from rabies, tetanus, typhoid and hepatitis A and B before we get on our plane. Handy for those hungry looking, rusty edged and suspiciously addled flight attendants.

We both had a couple of shots yesterday. This was largely painless but we have been a bit lethargic today. Ideally we would plan around this but necessity is a compelling foil.

Good day to you all.

The Travel Clinic can be found at

Address:
Apollo Centre, 119 Apollo Drive, Albany , North Shore, Auckland

Contact Details
Tel: +64 9 4773747


Website is http://www.travelclinic.co.nz









Monday, 23 June 2008

Nothing but No Net

Do you know how hard it is to find an internet cafe when you actually need one?

Incredibly hard.

I did find one. It is called the Devils grotto. We are about two days away from moving out of our house so the internet has gone. Goodbye internet. The cat has gone as well. Goodbye Ferris.

We booked our flight tickets this morning. We fly out on the 16th of July to Bangkok. Two nights in Bangkok so I can write a suitably exciting and 100% improved post called "two nights in Bangkok". Then four months of Traveling yippee

Anyway packing to do. Thanks to everyone that came on the weekend. I will return on Wednesday I think.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

A cathartic calamity

Please excuse me, this post may seem even more self indulgent than previously thought possible. I have to admit, not having a regular job has been agreeing with me. My brain has been turning over at such a high rate of revolutions that slipping it into gear has proven difficult.

An Aquarian's brain you see is always having thoughts and ideas. On a good day a vulcan mind meld with an Aquarian could render Spock positively brain stricken. Having a regular job and routine has kept my brain in check but now I appear to have lost the brake pedal.

So let us digress immediately. Let me share some of the things that have been mulling about my head. Share my burden, who knows you might like it.

Online Auction Websites.

To complete stage one of my personal plan it is necessary for me to auction a fair amount of of household items. This has not been without considerable effort. Not being a fan of wheeling and dealing. I can only rationally deduce that;

auctioning more than 4 items concurrently is soul destroying.

exhibit a, enjoy this profound question tendered to me.

"hello i wanna knw can you drop it off adn is there are try. thank p"

Please leave my blog if if that means something to you.

I am managing however. There is a treasure trove of items available right here.

Easily offended people, please note that the adult dvds for sale are merely some clever marketing on my behalf. I know how the internet works. Also if you are easily offended please close the door on the way out.

The practicality of Wizard Robes when touring the world.

When I turned 30 I commissioned the work of a very talented designer for a designer Wizard robe. My previous job did not lend it self very well to Wizardry. To confound things I have been reliably informed by the most reliable person in my life that a Wizards robe is not a very practical thing to take backpacking.

Luckily I have a trump card. I am reliably unpractical. I shall take my Wizards robe with me. If I run out of clean underwear, I can wear my Wizards robe whilst they dry.

What will you do for money?

Sometimes just sometimes my conscience feels brave enough to ask me this. Sometimes my conscience takes the form of boring people who are immune to my spells. I do have my manifesto to fall back upon of course. I am not worried, from writing this very post I know I do not have a future in sales and feel at home in a wizards robe. If that isn't income security I do not know what is.

Absorbing news can be hazardous to your health

I digest a lot of current affairs and opinion. I love listening to National radio because in between the commentary and interviews one gets to listen to people involved in the arts. However the world is entering a decidedly morose phase. In fact it was with some merriment that one of the h0sts announced today "it w0uld have been nice to have been a caveman and be unplugged from the media"

I do look forward to disconnecting myself from the news. Ignorance is bliss. Especially when one is in a Wizards robe.

The photos arms race

Facebook is a fascinating place to while away y0ur days. There is always something to look at or read. However the sheer amount of photos that go up every second make me wonder if I need a photographer following me about. You see given my considerable literary largess I feel obligated to be my own public relations department. Everyone knows that a picture is worth a thousand words and I am falling behind!



Thats it for now. I actually wrote this lying in bed. Quite often right before I go to sleep my mind is most active. Hopefully we have tired it out for a night.

Firefox 3.0

Today fellow luminaries of the internet we are going to talk about Firefox 3.0. Please be aware, I have been holed up at home for the last week so the inspiration levels have been lacking. Funny story though, I leapt out of the house to get some filing boxes yesterday and the checkout attendant commented on how good my nails looked. Of course she wasn't going to comment on my slippers and pyjama pants. But guess what? I was colour coordinated.

Anyway, Firefox 3.0 came out of beta today and it seems like a wholesome well adjusted browser. I have successfully updated my EEE-PC with it and I like it. It has plenty of neat things going for it. I like the new look and it feels a bit more robust. Using a browser on a small screened machine like the EEE-PC means every pixel is important.

Let me show a few screens of what you do when you have a EEE-PC.

This first picture is my standard desktop.



That is a screen size of 800x480. I hide my task bar when I am not using it. I have a few icons on my desktop but its reasonably spartan.

This is how I use Firefox at the moment.



I hide the file.edit,view menus.

I use an add on called personal menu which places all of my menus into some buttons on the right hand side.

If you look at my bookmarks bar you will see that only the icons are shown unless I mouse over them. This is done with an add on called smart bookmarks bar

Bewarned if you are going to upgrade to Firefox 3.0 you will lose your bookmarks. Make a backup of them first. Note, you might find some of your favourite addons are not compatible with Firefox 3.0 yet.

Blogwise. I have been going back and rewriting previous posts. Anna is acting as an editor for my writing as well. I have been known to rush things out the door before. I think I was a factory worker in wartime russia during a past life.

Thanks for the kind words loyal fans. In the space of 24 hours I have had one person email saying how much they enjoy reading my blog. I have also had another person email saying they enjoyed not reading my blog but also voiced support at the same time.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Add this!

Sometimes its nice to blow other peoples trumpets, just ask monica.

Bad joke I know but its early and I have discovered a useful tool for anyone who has a website. This is also a clever post to data mine some information out of you. See I am hip with the nerds!

Anyway, I have been doing some research on adding a bookmark button to my blog. Some of you, it would appear have memories like mutilated swiss cheese. If you do some googling you can be swiftly innundated with HTML code and Javascript and all manner of complicated, ugly solutions.

I wanted an elegant solution that was easy, powerful and good looking. I wanted Arnold Schwarzenegger. I found addthis.

Let me take a breather from my torrent of jokes. I am literally dieing from laughter.






» Easy Bookmarking & Sharing
» Spreads Your Content
» Removes Clutter
» Fast and Reliable
» Easily Customizable
» For Websites and Blogs
» Completely Free


Sounds good. It is good. In fact if you look to your left you will see my new addthis button. If you sign up for an addthis account you will get free statistics and tracking of who is bookmarking your blog.

Perhaps a not so subtle hint!

I am interested in people who are reading my blog who might have complimentary blogs for me to read. Let me know.

Enjoy your Tuesday everybody!

Monday, 16 June 2008

You need Balls to Paint your Nails

Seriously. Imagine the rush of euphoria, when just 5 minutes ago it dawned upon me that I can freely paint my nails once more. Painting my nails has in the past served me well. Now, if you are not horrified at this thought then read on.

- I have incredible hands. They are probably my defining feature. Painting the nails on my hands serves to enhance a beautiful sight.

-Painting ones nails is calming. Its a nice thing to do for yourself. The fumes are positively stimulating in a stifling way.

-Once you paint your nails as a man you automatically filter and amicably antagonize boring people. Let me expand upon this.
* Women with poor nails feel threatened and otherwise confused
* Men with issues are confounded by a tall man, with a full head of hair who has radiantly good nails.

-I love primary colours. I am not fashionable in the slightest. I have only one rule. Only a fool breaks the 3 colour rule. Painting my nails in bright primary colours serves to reinforce my only rule of fashion.

-There is some skill in painting nails. Its not easy. If you do a good job of painting your nails, you immediately garner respect from other nail painters.

See. There is method in my madness. Now excuse me. I must paint my nails.




Blogged with the Flock Browser

Sunday, 15 June 2008

The Problem with Leaving...

...Is that you have to leave. "Hang on a second, you haven't actually gone anywhere Dan?" Ah but I have, my mind has wandered. My chi has left the building. My nights are spent dreaming my future. My work induced nightmares have ceased.

4 score years ago -well four years ago but four score sounds more impressive- I proudly proclaimed after weathering the most monstrous moving malaise; "The next time we move it will be overseas!" and this is largely true.

We are moving overseas but to parts unknown. Some of you will recognise the immense satisfaction in not having a physical address. I would put it right up there with being naked, and it is slightly more socially acceptable. Homeless and naked? Well the mind boggles but I will leave that for a future blog.

To have no fixed address you must first rid yourself of your abode. We have sold our house but the internal workings of our house must be distributed amongst our extended tribe. Things have to be dispersed in a logical sequence. Otherwise you might find you have a perfectly functioning tv but no DVD player(apparently, so I have heard)

If you don't have a fixed address you should not have a fixed job. But be warned. If you do not have a job you might find it tricky to deal with banks and other such institutions. This is nothing a well placed business card can not fix.

If you do not have a fixed address, receiving mail will be challenging. Get friendly with a tree, or other such object which has strong roots and is not going anywhere. Families are great for this. Just make sure it is not a family of snails.

Closing off accounts for various services takes patience. Take the time to settle your accounts before closing them. If you do not, you may find it hard(again so I have heard)

Saying goodbye to everyone is hard as well. Especially when people say goodbye and they do not know who you are. Again use your business card.

Thankfully people are very understanding of the tumultuous times one faces when having no fixed address. This is why the vagabonds and rogues that frequent built up areas; to curse and imbibe chemicals of dubious efficacy are given so much respect. Imagine if they were naked as well.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Why should you read this stuff?

It appears less than 100% of the internet enabled, English speaking population of this planet are reading my blog at regular intervals. I have set myself lofty goals for the future and increasing my blog adoption rate is a part of this.

Now you are reading this stuff, so are not part of the problem. You are part of my loyal army. We will change the world, one person at at time. I have given this quandary a fair amount of thought this morning in between household chores and speaking with my multitude of personal advisors.

We have mapped out a few strategies which should keep us on target during our campaign.

-Bookmark, Favourite & commit to memory this website address.
-Casually bring up in conversation the url. eg.

Person "Hey Did you see the game last night?"
You "Nah http://youneedtoreadthisstuff.blogspot.com/"

-Visit this blog on other peoples computers and bookmark it for them.
-Print out choice articles and leave them in prominent places.
-Always, always add the url to the what is hot lists that adorn magazines.
-Use my blog as a source for reference material when writing Scientific journals, press releases & books.
-I am not a fan of tattoos or tagging but feel free to tastefully introduce people the wonderment that is my url. Maybe a large, well placed but endearingly casual blimp?

See it is easy. We are halfway there. Yes we can!

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Business Card Swapping

The humble business card is a useful tool. It adds padding to any cashless wallet. It can be folded to create hard origami creations. It can be used as a shiny but ineffectual way of getting your details to someone you admire. In a pinch they can be used to help start a fire. During the 84 stock market crash, brokers were seen adorning themselves in business cards after they had to sell everything.

During my adult working career I have always had a business card. I lie slightly in that I did not have a business card when I took a sabbatical to tend my parents farm for a year. Show me a farmer that has a business card and I will show you a twat.

Anyway in just over a week I shall be unemployed. I have no plans for immediate reemployment. But I decided I needed a business card to tout my future plans for myself. Using all the resourcefulness of a person with two hands I found a website that I could order business cards and promptly ordered 200. These are plastic coated and should not pose a fire risk.



Cool huh! Now my intelligent design(er) readers; of which there are a few, are probably saying tisk tisk at this moment. But a writer has no time to curry favor with designers. We write and things happen. So consider this paragraph as an invitational korma. Do better than I in a timely fashion and I shall be suitably impressed.

Anyway my plan is this. When I meet a suitably interesting, inspiring and intelligent person. I shall present my card. When I meet a person be smitten, breath taken or conclusively capitulated I shall present my card.

Then I got really thinking. What if I presented other peoples cards in addition to my own? What if I asked for multiple cards? This could be a virus of circulating important details the universe has never seen.

Are you not happy you read my blog?

The next time you see me give me your cards!

additional notes

My cards turning up yesterday. They look great.

I used vistaprint.co.nz