Monday, 20 August 2007

A.S.S

Welcome to my latest tirade against sensible sensibilities. In this piece we examine A.S.S for the uninformed.

American Superhero Syndrome.

Topically A.S.S is a mental disorder which afflicts people such as myself who were bought up on a diet of comics, poorly animated video games and cheap novels. Symptoms include a propensity of fighting other peoples battles, loathing other peoples illogical love interests and the somewhat admirable ability to change clothing at the drop of a hat.

After 30 years of exhibiting such errant behavior I am now in a position to present a treatment plan and through cognitive engineering rehabilitate such noble modern day agnostic paladins as myself.

Firstly we must start with the cause.

People are really stupid.

Ain't that the truth. If you can accept that you are more than half of the way to absolution. This blog is a prime example of my own stupidity. To think that writing this guide would help heal the world. Leave that to Michael Jackson and we all know he needs some electroshock therapy to fix his face.

Secondly

When money is involved People are more stupid

Its not rocket science but time and time again people will come to you with problems which if you strip away the nicely present emotive arguments have money firmly attached to the rear end of them like a well placed pin with resplendent tassle. Do them a favour call them a donkey and when they don't respond yell A.S.S(do you see what I did there?)

Thirdly

Stay the hell away from broke ass relationships

This perhaps is the hardest lesson. Being sympathetic is a core human value but it really is pathetic when you are hearing about someone breaking up for the umpteenth time. Write them off as learning a hard learned lesson. Think of them as canceling each others faults out. Be happy they aren't inflicting pain and suffering on other souls. Change your phone number. Forge your own death do anything you can to get the fuck away from such and abortion of humanity realised.

Thursday, 21 June 2007

When it rains my pores!

I *upgraded* the bones Nintendowii.net.nz runs on last night and it completely stuffed the website. Mildly gutting. More gutting is the news today that WiiNesDay is going to have to move on from Space.

So yeah kind of a crap day. But you know?

I'm quite fired up and things will get better.

Karl is going to help me restore the backup tonight and things will improve.

Friday, 13 April 2007

The Clickless Mouse

I was clicking away the other night as you do. My beautiful wife was in a what I thought deep sleep and lo and behold after a few sly drags and clicks I was admonished.

STOP CLICKING

I was caught. A newly roused female is a frightening creature at the best of worst times and stumped was I. What to do? Try it yourself, try navigating this very page without making loud clicks. Its impossible!

So I went off and stewed and then got thinking. Why don't mouse manufacturers make mice which don't make any noise? Mice for the thoughtful browser such as I. Something to ponder. Please comment if you have any solutions

Monday, 9 April 2007

Fixing Talk Back Radio

I am sure all of you at some point have had the misery of listening to talkback radio .Frequent listeners and contributors to talkback radio can be pronounced brain dead and it is my theory that if you amplified the sound of enough talkback radio stations you could in affect create enough anti-itdoesntmatter to destroy the fabric of the universe.

My solution is simple it its approach and should play its part in reconstructing life as it could be.

-Say something good about something

Well isn't that a mullet to the head? It is a sad statistic shared by talk back luminaries like Murray Deaker that his phones are dead when New Zealand win at cricket but are overflowing when we lose. A changing social construct has left people with less people to confide in so we leap on the phone to piss and moan. Ideally this can be absorbed by a kind pair of ears but instead it is broadcast on multiple sets of ears one way.

Talkback never was a meaningful communication medium it is mass therapy which breeds fear insecurity and doubt.

But in saying this aren't I just moaning like the people I bemoan? Well no because.

Provide a Solution


If you are going to comment on something suggest an alternative and say something good about something. Through communication lies the future of our existence and radio provides a great forum for future Philisophical Philanthropy